


I Know It's Out of Love

by cissues



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, and an asshole, angus cries i'm sorry, taako is emotionally stunted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 15:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9391754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cissues/pseuds/cissues
Summary: Taako isn't good for people, especially a not child.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first TAZ fic holy shit! So hah ok so I'm completely obsessed with this dumb podcast and finally wrote something for it. It's not great but I'm a sucker for "hugs make everything better" tropes and I love it when Taako is super angsty about being an asshole. I hope this is good?
> 
> If you couldn't tell, this is set right after the Boston wrestling episode!
> 
> Title from "Fistful of Love" by Antony and the Johnsons. It is very sad to listen to while reading this, fyi.
> 
> PS: it is my personal headcanon that Merle is actually super terrible at taking care of plants.
> 
> PPS: beta'd by lakesandquarries cuz faer a doll <3
> 
> (my tumblr is cacaesthesia.tumblr.com if you'd like to pop by and say hi!)

The sun is setting all around them. Through the glass orb, Magnus, Merle and Taako watch the sky change from hues of orange and pink and red to that infinite inky blackness as they rise towards the moon. Angus has Taako’s fake-uniform shirt buttoned all the way to the neck and, despite Taako’s size, he still swims in it as he nestles in close to Taako’s side, his eyes drooping from exhaustion.

Taako glances down at the small boy, swallowing down unwelcome fondness. He didn’t like admitting it to himself or anyone, but Gods does he give a shit about this kid. He waits until he’s sure the other two aren’t looking before wrapping an arm around Angus’ dozing form.

“You did so good today, bubbeleh,” he mutters as quietly as he can, mostly for himself. He was, after all, the one who taught Angus everything he knows. He reasons that pride in the boy is at least half pride in himself.

Angus shifts beside him and utters in a quiet and contented voice, “Thanks, dad.”

Taako stills.

He immediately looks over at Magnus and Merle to make sure they hadn’t heard anything, and then goes back to stare at the boy. He seems to still be sleeping, and there’s a good chance it was nothing, but Taako can feel pinpricks of tears at his eyes. How could he have fucked up this badly? He’d tried so hard to keep the kid at arms length, make sure he didn’t get attached. He was bad for people. For everyone, especially a _kid_. Gently, he retracts his arm and folds it against his chest, watching as the moon opens to swallow them up and tries, desperately, to think of anything else besides the sickening feeling in his stomach.

\---

Taako had postponed the next few magic lessons. He made sure to keep his excuses purposefully vague and poorly veiled. He acted cold and uncaring, cancelling them after Angus had already made the trek all the way to the mess hall, only to make him turn back around and walk back.

After a few weeks of this, Taako spending a large portion of his time locked in his room reading whatever gossip mag he could get his paws on, there’s a sharp knock on the door.

“Come in,” he answers musically. Magnus and Merle had been taking turns reminding him about mealtimes and so he thought it would be safe to assume who it was.

Instead, it’s Angus.

Taako should have seen this coming.

“Oh, what’s up lil’ man?” He asks absently, trying to ignore the hiccup his heart gave. Angus looks determined, his little hands balled into fists.

“I’m the world’s greatest detective, sir. Do you think I wouldn’t notice that you’ve been ignoring me? Excuse me, but you have been very rude to me and I would like some answers, please!”

Taako finally looks up, blinking his eyes slowly.

“So?”

Angus’ lips part in an ‘O’ before his jaw snaps shut again, clenched tightly against the threat of tears that show glossy in his too-big eyes. “You… don’t want to say anything to me?” He asks, last ditch reaching for some sort of apology, some sort of indication that Taako might be even a little bit remorseful. Taako kept his face schooled carefully as he shrugs. 

“Get out of my room?” He says in a way that suggests that he couldn’t care less. Angus sniffles and nods, spinning on his heel and marching out of the room. Before the door shut behind him, Taako hears the quiet release of a sob.

His face crumples.

This is for Angus’ own good. This is for everyone’s own good. He’s gotten soft since meeting Magnus and Merle. Let himself get close and form… _attachments_. He cares about these people and it terrifies him. Last time he cared for and trusted someone, they ended up framing him for a murder of forty people. Even before he’d learned the truth, Sazed had still left. He still abandoned Taako the second shit got real. He won’t let that happen again. Self preservation was his jam and he can’t let people get in the way of that anymore.

Taako curls into himself and cries, silent and alone.

Just how it should be.

\---

Taako stops hanging out in the common area of the Reclaimer suite, he takes his meals to his room and the only time he speaks is to throw scathing verbal jabs at anyone who even attempts to engage him. Angus completely gives up after the second time Taako made him cry. Magnus and Merle are more than annoyed. A few times Magnus tries to confront Taako only to end up on the receiving end of a barrage venom and the threat of a spell slot burned.

Two weeks of this, and the rest of the Reclaimers are done.

“I’m going to smash his dome in,” Merle grumbles after one of Taako’s particularly haughty stomps from the entrance to the suite to his bedroom door. Magnus stares inquisitively at the recently-slammed door, arms crossed and fingers drumming against his bicep.

“We gotta do something,” he says absently. Merle rolls his eyes, returning his attention to the small, dying bean plant he’d been trying and failing to magic back to life. “You do what you want. I could barely stand him before he started throwing hourly hissy fits.”

Magnus slides his eyes towards the dwarf. “We gotta do _something_ ,” he lifts his eyebrows suggestively. Merle squints at him. “Something…” the dwarf hums, looking back at his rapidly-decaying plant. “Something… mean?” He asks. Magnus huffs. “Something constructively mean, maybe.” He looks back at the door. “There’s something going on with him. He won’t talk to us about it unless we force it out of him somehow.”

Now Merle’s full attention is on Magnus.

“What are you thinking?”

Magnus smiles and stands, squaring his shoulders against what will inevitably be a bloodbath.

“Follow me.”

\---

Taako picks at the meager remains of the wholly unpleasant meal he had snagged from the mess hall. Eating hadn’t entirely been doing it for him lately. Food tastes like ash in his mouth and it’s hard to swallow without his stomach churning with nausea.

He can admit to himself that he misses his friends, but this is better. This is what he’s used to. Solitude. Just because he’s a part of this super secret, exclusive club doesn’t mean that he has to be best friends with his coworkers. He’s been going about this all wrong, he realized. He’d been so desperate for someone to care about him, someone to rely on, that the moment these bozos burrowed their way into his life he’d thrown away every bit of self-preservation he had. That had been stupid. When he inevitably disappoints them, fucks something up, says the wrong thing, it will be easier to leave if they already hate him.

He throws the plate across the room, ignoring the startling shatter as it hits the wall and foodstuffs fall to the ground.

He tries, and fails, not to cry. Again.

Except the sob hiccups in his throat as he feels the wards on his door push against him, indicating someone trying to enter his room.

“Taako? We heard something break, are you okay?” He hears Magnus shout, the door knob jiggling. Taako stares at it, tears already making his eyes red and puffy and color blotch against his cheeks. He says nothing.

“Taako?” Magnus shouts again and Taako jumps, eyes wide as he holds his hands against his chest. He wants so badly to open the door, let Magnus rush in and maybe hold him or comfort him or tell him that everything is going to be ok.

But no. Nope. He can’t.

“I’m fine,” he croaks and swears at himself for how wrecked his voice sounds. “Go away!”

Magnus does not go away.

“Open the door! We have to talk to you!” Merle pipes up and Taako groans, falling back against his bedsheets. These stupid, dumb boys and their stupid, dumb empathy. He grits his teeth and, again, is silent.

“What the _fuck_ , Taako! Can you just open the fucking door? I’ll get the Director down here if I have to.” Magnus sounds desperate.

Taako swears under his breath, his body shuddering and making his teeth click together loudly. He knew Magnus would do it, he would narc on Taako’s bad attitude and they would be forced to go on some bullshit team building retreat or he’d get fired, he’s sure. With a shaking hand, Taako flicks the wards off and the door swings open.

Magnus and Merle, who had apparently been leaning heavily against it, fall through the threshold and land comically in a pile on Taako’s floor. While they scramble to stand up, Taako wipes desperately at his eyes and hoping that he doesn’t look too pathetic.

It seems he is not so lucky.

When Magnus and Merle finally right themselves, they glance around the room and Taako watches Merle’s face scrunch in distaste and Magnus’ fall to concern. When they finally look at Taako’s ruined make-up, rumpled clothing, and defensive position, Magnus sighs audibly.

“Oh, Taako…” he starts.

Taako holds up a hand.

“I let you into my fucking room, but if you throw me a pity party I swear to _Gods_ I will fuck your entire shit up. Just… just don’t.” For how pitiful he looks, Taako was able to inject a fairly intimidating amount of venom into his voice.

Magnus rolls his eyes and raises his hands, placating. “Fine, fine. Then how about this; what the _fuck_ is going on?” He crosses his arms and frowns and the knot in Taako’s throat loosens slightly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, glancing down at his fingers as he picks at a string on his blankets.

“Like hell you don’t. You’ve been ignoring us and acting like a complete asshat!” Merle interjects in a low growl, pointing a wooden finger accusingly at Taako. This, Taako could deal with. Anger, accusation, namecalling. He can work with this.

“Maybe I have, maybe I haven’t.” Taako shrugs and glares at the other two. “What do you care, anyway? You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, y’know. I’m not _forcing_ you to interact with me.”

Magnus makes a frustrated noise and stomps towards Taako and suddenly Taako is worried. Maybe he’s pushed it too far. Maybe he’s gone past annoying them into leaving him alone and into annoying them into beating the shit out of him. He hunkers down and lifts his hands with a spell at the tip of his tongue.

Instead of punches or anger, Magnus climbs deftly onto the bed and envelopes Taako in a full body hug.

Taako is too shocked to move.

“You can be really shitty sometimes, but we still care about you and whatever’s going on, you can talk to us. Or not, but know that you can’t do anything to push us away.” His voice is muffled where it’s pressed into Taako’s shoulder. Taako’s hands are still poised for a spell, but his fingers start shaking. Merle looks uncomfortable as he slowly approaches the bed and begins scrambling onto it. Taako’s eyes flick to watch him in muted horror as he shuffles to sit next to Taako and places his flesh hand on Taako’s arm, squeezing lightly.

“Yeah, kid. You drive me up the wall sometimes, but we’re… we’re family. You can throw as many temper tantrums as you want, we’re still not going anywhere.”

And here is where Taako starts to cry.

He’d made a point not to cry in front of others. He never cried in front of Sazed, he never cried in front of his aunt, even when he’d accidentally sliced his finger on a sharp knife or burned himself on the oven, he hadn’t cried when the first body had fallen and he hadn’t cried when Sazed said he was leaving.

But now, with Magnus’ strong arms wrapped around his neck, and Merle’s warm hand pressing against his skin, he allows himself to fall against the two and sob. They hold him there and he squeezes Magnus’ middle and makes a wet spot against his shirt. At some point Merle rests his head against Taako’s shoulder and no one says anything.

After a few minutes, Taako calms down and, in between hiccups, he says, “Fuck you guys, you made my mascara run.”

This startles a laugh out of Magnus but, sure enough, when he pulls away there’s streaks of black makeup running down Taako’s face. He smiles softly and reaches up to wipe some of it away. “You look like a sad clown,” he says with a playful smirk. Taako smacks his shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Magnus asks after a moment. Taako scrunches up his face and shakes his head. 

“Hell no! Who do you think I am? Angus McDonald, Boy Crybaby?”

Magnus eyes Taako meaningfully. “Speaking of which,” he starts as if Taako would fill in the blank. Taako just looks innocently at the ceiling. “You have to apologize, man. Ango’s been moping around all week. You really bummed him out.”

Taako rolls his eyes, crossing his arms and sending an impressive pout at the door. Magnus pats Taako on the shoulder and squeezes before standing up slowly. “And clean your room. This place is disgusting.”

Taako huffs as the two other boys head towards the door. Then, he watches Magnus lift his Stone of Farspeech up towards his face and whisper softly into it. He pauses to throw an evil grin over his shoulder and Taako’s heart rate begins to race.

“You slimy little-” and just like that, as soon as Merle swings the door open, Angus McDonald is standing in the entrance, little arms folded against his chest and expression shifting between overexaggerated irritation and a very honest hurt. Taako’s arms fall against the bed and his face crumples. Merle and Magnus slip away quietly, smirking to themselves.

“Hi, pumpkin,” he says softly. Angus takes a deep breath and averts his eyes to the wall. He doesn’t say anything. “Angus, I’m so sorry,” Taako continues, sliding off the bed and slinking over to the boy at his door. Angus’ face falls slightly but he does his best to keep his expression schooled. “I…” Taako swallows as he kneels in front of Angus. “Angus, sometimes people do bad things because they never learned how to do nice things. I didn’t… know,” he frowns and places a hand on Angus’ shoulder. “I don’t know how to let people care about me.” 

Angus looks at him for a moment before the whole facade falling and he wraps his arms around Taako’s shoulders, squeezing him desperately.

“It’s okay, sir,” he says quietly. “I know you still care, even if you don’t like saying it.”

Taako takes a ragged breath, wrapping his arms around Angus. “I love you, bubbeleh, I do. I don’t usually say that - and don’t expect me to say it again because you know I won’t - but I’ll say it once. Just to - just to get you off my back.”

Angus giggles as he releases Taako. The boy wipes at his eyes and smiles, “That’s enough for me, sir!”

Taako winks and ruffles the boy’s hair. “Don’t tell anyone though, I’m serious. I will destroy you.”

Angus just giggles again, winking back. “Don’t tell anyone what, sir?”

“That’s my boy.”


End file.
